An Open Letter to my new Brother-In-Law

Dearest Brother-In-Law,
Welcome to the family! Having only been an official member for a little over 2 years myself - I realize that I can't speak with the same authority that a lifetimer would have to offer. But I nonetheless consider myself well-versed in family politics and dynamics, and would like to share 2 important roles with you.

1. Libby is Queen.
If a hypothetical situation were to arise, in which you were on a boat with Libby, and an enormous wave capsized your ship, sending you both overboard - and the family was only able to save only one of you . . . I hope you can swim.

2. Brother is King.
When up north, we bow to him. We believe he can do anything. He can fix cars. Wire surround sound. Heal the sick. Raise the dead. When he is in town - the mom and dad just stare. If he wants pizza, we eat pizza. If he wants to roam around in the backyard with a pellet gun resting over his shoulder, we pretend its normal. Back here at home, it's a different story. But up there - he rules the roost.

Take these to heart. It's a pretty easy family to be a part of: When dad-doug offers to drive you to the train station, don't fight it. When mama-riv wants to give you a chicken sandwich for the road, just take it. Follow the two aforementioned rules and you'll be welcomed with open arms.

With undying familial love for golden retrievers, pigs in a blanket, and the Sunday crossword puzzle,
Sister-In-Law